I Love Him, But When the Night is Over
by IBelieveInThePowerOfLove
Summary: Jeff is in love, but with his best friend. His straight best friend, at that. There's just no way that Nick will ever feel the same about him. Niff/Neff. Set to "On My Own" from the musical Les Miserables.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is my first time ever writing fan fiction, so it might not be as good as what you guys are used to reading, so please bare with me. I've had this idea in my head for a while, so I decided to put my own Niff twist on the song. I hope you like it! -AJ **

**Disclaimer: If I owned Glee, Niff would be canon, and the whole show would revolve around Klaine. *Sigh* But alas, I do not.**

* * *

><p><em>And now I'm all alone again, nowhere to turn, no one to go to.<em>

"Bye, Jeff! See you next week!" Nick Duval waved to his best friend from his car as he exited the Dalton parking lot. He was going to visit his family during the Spring Break that they had off from school.

Jeff Sterling waved feebly back from the sidewalk in the shade where he stood and whispered, "Bye, Nick. Have fun. I love you." _If only you knew, Nick. If only…_

Nick went back home as often as he was able to, and unknowingly to him, Jeff would always mope around lifelessly at school, feeling utterly alone and unwanted until Nick returned. Jeff stayed at the all-boys academy no matter what, except during the summer when he stayed at his aunt's.

_Without a home, without a friend, without a face to say "hello" to._

To say that Jeff's situation at home was "terrible" would be the understatement of the century; his parents absolutely did not accept of his sexuality and wanted nothing to do with him if they could help it, never mind that he was their only son. They were only more than willing to ship him off to a fancy boarding school because it meant that Jeff would not be around. Out of sight, out of mind.

Also, violence from his father's part was the reason Jeff never went to his house unless he had an extremely good reason to do so. Otherwise, he avoided it as if he would the plague. There were only so many excuses one could come up with to explain away questionable bruises he was always left with to his peers at school.

Nobody, not a single soul save for his aunt, knew about this, and he wasn't planning on telling, either. Anything was better than having to be at that hell-hole.

As for Dalton, it was great. It was more than great: it was the place that Jeff called home. More importantly, it was where Nick was as well. But during his absences, Jeff was lonely. He just wasn't as close to the other boys as he was with Nick. They were Agents 3 and 6: partners in crime and best friends for life.

_And now the night is near, now I can make believe he's here. _

_Sometimes I walk alone at night while everybody else is sleeping._

Jeff slipped easily out of his dorm room and tiptoed down the stairs until he reached the large oak door that was the side exit of Dalton. The huge wooden door thankfully made not a sound as he stepped outside exposed the moonlight.

It was 1 o'clock in the morning, but Jeff was wide awake. This was an almost nightly occurrence; he'd become nothing short of an insomniac beginning in freshman year, when he first realized how he felt about Nick. Unrequited love had quite had effect on his sleeping habits, but instead of lying awake on his bed, Jeff preferred to sneak outside and stroll along the grounds and courtyard to spend the hours thinking and daydreaming. It was his escape from the bitter reality.

_I think of him and I'm happy with the company I'm keeping. _

_The city goes to bed, and I can live inside my head._

Of course, all of his daydreams revolved around one Nicholas Duval. In his numerous fantasies, Nick and Jeff were always together. Nick would tell Jeff that he loved him, and the taller boy would be thrilled that his feelings were finally being returned after so long.

His imagination had the uncanny ability to invent the most wondrous and vivid daydreams, which later on haunted him when he remembered that real life was, as his luck would have it, completely different.

_On my own, pretending he's beside me, all alone, I walk with him till morning._

_Without him, I feel his arms around me, and when I lose my way I close my eyes and he has found me._

Jeff only ever admitted it to himself, but yes, he pretended that the brunet accompanied him on his nocturnal walks. Thanks to his insomnia, he continuously stayed out until the sun was barely beginning to rise, and only then would he go back to his room as not to make his roommate suspicious of his whereabouts.

If he was ever to be caught so late after curfew, he would be in serious trouble. Of course, there had been plenty of close calls, but Jeff always got lucky.

He closed his hazel eyes and recalled the feeling of Nick hugging him, the way his lean arms wrapped around the blond's body. That was a torturous aspect of their friendship: because they were so close, they'd always been very touchy feely with each other, hugging, even holding hands occasionally, and for Jeff, it had been very a painful to deal with since the 9th grade. It was blissful agony, if that even made any sense. It did to him, at least.

He knew perfectly well that Nick's various touches and such were all friendly and innocent, nothing more. Such as his goodbye hug only earlier; Jeff noticed that it had been slightly longer and a bit more intimate than usual, but he decided that his irrational, lovesick mind was making it all up and refused to read any more into it.

_In the rain, the pavement shines like silver; all the lights are misty in the river._

_In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight, and all I see is him and me forever and forever. _

Due to the fact that it was mid-March, it drizzled ever so slightly. Jeff didn't care at all. The rain picked up, not enough to get him soaking, but instead made the scenery around him oddly beautiful.

In one of Jeff's favorite fantasies, he and Nick were lying in the emerald grass with their hands intertwined, gazing up at the twinkling stars and whispering sweet nothings into each other's ears as they exchanged soft kisses. It was incredibly romantic the way things always played out perfectly in Jeff's dreams.

_And I know, it's only in my mind, that I'm talking to myself and not to him. _

Yes, Jeff talked to the imaginary Nick by his side. They'd often had full conversations, and the topic was always about the same thing: their love. Jeff was sure that his brain had finally gone completely crazy for doing so, but he still did it, regardless of what anybody would think. He just needed to get his feelings and emotions out, and if talking to himself like a lunatic who belonged in a strait jacket was the only way to achieve that, so be it. In those moments, he was too far gone and wrapped up in his own little world to bring himself care very much.

_And although I know that he is blind, still I say there's a way for us._

Even if Nick wasn't completely oblivious to the way Jeff behaved while around him, (all of the blushing and getting flustered, the stumbling over his words, zoning out because he was too busy studying Nick's flawless face) there still remained the problem that Nick was not gay.

If chasing girls was a sport in the summer Olympics, Nick would win the gold. Every time there was someone new, Jeff felt as if an acid-coated dagger was plunged into his heart and twisted repeatedly. It hurt so much because it was just a constant reminder that Nick did not play for his team.

Even so, Jeff's stubborn and infatuated mind reasoned that based on the fact that Nick never actually stated aloud that he was straight, that was reason enough to keep holding on to that miniscule sliver of hope that he might be bi, and therefore Jeff could actually stand at having a chance with him.

_I love him, but when the night is over, he is gone. _

_The river's just a river. _

Jeff loved Nick. There was no doubt in his mind about that, and the fact that he didn't give up on Nick during the past three long years was further proof that it was more than just a silly crush. He knew that he was irrefutably, madly in love with him. But that all meant nothing once morning came and he had to put up with yet another day of not having that love returned in the way he yearned for. Nick loved Jeff, just not in any other way than a "just really great friends" type of love.

Whenever the sun's first few shining, golden rays peeked out from the horizon and indicated the start of a brand new day, the imaginary Nick vanished for the night and Jeff always took that as his cue to head on back inside before it was too late. Everything was back to the way it was, much to his dismay.

_Without him, the world around me changes._

_The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers. _

The atmosphere truly did change whenever Nick was not around Jeff, whether it be the real or fictional Nick. Imaginary Nick was just a brief substitute, of course, but the extended absences of the actual Nick never failed to get Jeff down as well. It felt as if his other half was missing, and it was almost more than Jeff could stand. Nick completed him. Jeff simply wasn't the same person without Nick by his side.

He tried to act normal, though, and pretend that the world was sunshine, lollipops and rainbows. The charade worked most of the time; everybody from the teachers to other Warblers bought it, but on especially hard days, there were cracks in the mask that he made himself wear the hide his pain from everybody.

_I love him, but everyday I'm learning._

_All my life, I've only been pretending._

It didn't matter how long he's succeeded so far in fooling everybody with his act; Jeff knew that there would come a day where the curtain would finally fall, and he would completely break down. No matter how much effort he put into his pretence, he's inevitably explode. He knew that, and that knowledge only made it harder to keep going on. He would crack. When that would happen, he did not know, but he was only human; there was only so much he could take.

He was aware that confessing his love to Nick would do nothing but damage their friendship, and that was the last thing that he ever wanted to happen. Nick could never find out the truth. He couldn't lose Nick, and he resolved that he wouldn't, no matter how much it hurt. Maybe he was pathetic to keep coming outside to talk to somebody who wasn't even there, or to keep insisting to whatever part of his mind that he had left that there was still a chance for him. Maybe it was, but he didn't know what else to do in this situation.

_Without me, his world will go on turning, a world that's full of happiness that I have never known._

The painful reality of the whole situation was that Nick would someday meet a girl and they'd get married, leaving Jeff all alone and completely heartbroken. Nick didn't need him, not in that way. In the way that Jeff hoped and desperately yearned for. They would grow up and settle down, but not with each other.

Nick's life was great: he had a family that loved him and lots of friends, all of them which made him happy. It had always been like that, and Jeff envied him because that was something that he himself had never experienced. He wasn't trying to be a pessimist, but those thoughts just returned to his head time after time.

_I love him, I love him, I love him, but only on my own._

Jeff loved Nick. He was positive of that, more than anything else in his life. But even with that shred of hope that was left, time was really taking its toll on both Jeff's physical health and his heart. He was amazed that he had lasted this long without breaking down for over three years. Perhaps it was that it was Nick specifically that his love was directed at, and the mere thought of losing him made Jeff hold on a little bit longer every day. It was what kept him the slightest bit sane and at the same time, drove him even more senseless. Unfortunately, his devotion was one-sided, and there was not a thing he could do about it. Jeff would always love Nick, but would be on his own in doing so.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I'm contemplating on whether I should write the aftermath of this story and turn it into a two-shot, but I'll let you guys decide. Reviews would be greatly appreciated, especially constrictive criticism; it's the only way I'll ever improve as an author. **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: And here is the second chapter! To all of you that reviewed, favorited, and/or alerted this story, thank you **_**so**_** much, it really made my whole week. :D I was honestly not expecting to get such positive feedback and so many hits on this, so I was pleasantly surprised at the results. I hope that this chapter meets up to your expectations, so here you go!**

A week passed, and soon it was Saturday night. Nick was due back at Dalton, but Jeff barely registered that fact. He had done nothing but lay face down on his bed, plagued by his longing mind with extraordinary dreams _all_ week. He'd also spent a good portion of that time crying. Luckily, his roommate was never around, so he could sob his breaking heart out in peace.

Jeff was finally cracking; he could feel it. The time had come. He was suddenly interrupted from his thoughts by sharp knock on his door.

"Go 'way," he mumbled into his soggy pillow. He didn't want to see anybody, especially not right now and not ever. Why couldn't he catch a break? The person knocked again, this time more urgently.

"Jeff!"

The blond's heart fluttered for a second. It was Nick. Beautiful, perfect Nick was the one outside his door. But then he remembered why he was so upset in the first place, so he didn't answer. He didn't even lift his head from its place on the pillow.

"Jeff, I know you're in there. Blaine told me earlier that you haven't come out of your room all break."

Damn Blaine and his nosiness. He was _so_ not helping his problem here. Jeff made a mental note to throttle the lead Warbler later,_ if_ he could manage to pry him away from Kurt's lips, that is. He'd need a crowbar to properly manage that.

As he debated in his mind who to go to to locate said crowbar, the door opened cautiously. Jeff groaned quietly to himself when Nick entered the room. He did not want the brunet to see him like this: pathetic and sobbing. Jeff never cried, or at least not in front of anyone. Quite a few tears had been shed over Nick in private since freshman year.

Nick walked over to where his friend was and sat down on the bed next to him. He had yet to notice the complete state the Jeff was in because his face was still buried in his pillow.

"Jeff, why won't you even look at me?" Nick placed his hand on Jeff's arm. Jeff remained silent and unmoving, refraining himself from shivering as Nick's touch sent a spark of electricity through his body. Nick sighed deeply and ran his fingers through his dark locks; he didn't know what was up with his best friend lately. They were normally so close but Jeff had taken to pushing him away, avoiding him, and was self confined in his dorm, doing absolutely nothing. It was driving Nick crazy.

"Jeff, come on. Please," Nick pleaded. "Just talk to me." But still Jeff refused; if did sit up, Nick wouldn't be able to miss his puffy red eyes and the tear tracks down his face. He didn't want that to happen because that would guarantee to lead to awkward questions and a concerned Nick and _argh, he couldn't take one more minute of this._

Jeff sat up at last, but looked anywhere but Nick. Even so, a blind man would have been able to see that he was upset, it was that obvious.

"Jeffie, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Nick immediately asked. Jeff shook his head. He didn't trust himself to say anything, not just yet.

"Please tell me," Nick whispered as tears formed in his own eyes. It broke his heart to see his friend in such a state. He pulled Jeff into a tight embrace and didn't let go even as the taller boy attempted unsuccessfully to free himself from his grasp.

Dear, sweet Nick. Of course he would comfort Jeff. Not that he was going to give up on finding out what it was that was making him feel so upset.

After Jeff calmed down some, he managed to wriggle himself out from Nick's arms and moved away slightly. Nick frowned at his action. "Jeff, seriously, what's wrong?" He was going to get to the bottom of this one way or another.

"Why do you care?" Jeff's voice broke. He didn't mean to sound snappish, it was just the first think to come to his mind to say. Nick's frown deepened at his words.

"I thought that that'd be obvious: because you're my best friend and I lo-" he was cut off by a groan from the blond. Jeff flopped back onto his bed and mumbled something unintelligible.

"What was that? Speak up, Jeff!"

_Screw this. Screw everything. _Jeff thought. _I am done acting; I don't care anymore. _

"I said," he rolled over on his stomach, "Not in the way I want you to." _This was it. There was no turning back now._

Nick's face showed nothing but confusion. "Huh? What do you mean by that?" Gosh, he could be thick sometimes, especially when it was important. Yet, it was one of the many traits that Jeff found endearing about him.

"What I _mean_, is that you say that you love me all the time, which I totally believe, but you don't exactly return my feelings for you, which are much stronger than friendly love."

Nick remained silent. If they were in a cartoon, there would be a giant, flashing question mark above his head. Jeff wanted to bang his own head repeatedly against the wall until his brain turned into jelly. Could he not make himself any clearer? How else could he get the point he was trying to make across when the boy sitting in front of him was more oblivious than a certain dapper Warbler? Did he have to spell out every single little thing for Nick for him to get it?

So he did.

"Nick, I am in love with you, and I have been ever since freshman year. I couldn't help it; I just fell for you, which isn't that surprising if you think about it considering how amazing you are. I never said anything to you because it would inevitably ruin our friendship and that would, in a way be, much worse than you rejecting me because I just can't live without you, and you're my best friend. Yes, I know that by telling you this I now destroyed the great relationship that we had because you are obviously straight, not to mention gorgeous and absolutely perfect and could never see me that way and I should've just kept it to myself but with you looking at me with your beautiful brown eyes that I love so much I can't keep it all in anymore. I'm sorry. Now, I'm going to stop talking so you can leave me alone to drown in my own misery." There. The truth was out now.

The whole time that Jeff had spent rambling, Nick sat there in surprise, his mouth gaped open in an "o" shape. He was stunned beyond belief, and his facial expressions showed that. _I must be dreaming, _he thought. _This is too wonderful to be reality. _The instant he heard his own name and the words "I am in love with you," tumble out of Jeff's mouth, he was instantly teleported to a different, dreamlike dimension.

At the end of his little impromptu speech, the blond hung his head and braced himself for the ultimate rejection. _I am such an idiot._

Instead, he felt that Nick scooted closer to him, lifted his chin up with two fingers, and gently pressed his lips to his.

Now Jeff was the one in shock; this was the last thing that he expected to happen, even in the best case scenario. But it did happen, and he enjoyed it immensely. Once he got over the initial surprise, he kissed Nick back, noting how soft the latter's lips were against his, and so perfect, as if they were supposed to be there. As if Nick was the only person that Jeff should ever kiss, ever.

Jeff broke it off first, but he was smiling as he did. The kiss was chaste and short, while at the same time really sweet and better than either of the boys could've ever imagined in their wildest daydreams.

"You like me?" he asked, slightly breathless, not yet fully believing that this has just happened. Nick shook his head.

"I'm in love with you, Jeff," he corrected. "I have been absolutely crazy about you for a while now, but I simply couldn't figure out how to tell you."

"So, you're bi?" He just had to know.

Nick shrugged. "I suppose if you wanted to put a label on it, yeah. But you're the only guy I've ever had feelings for. I also didn't want to get my hopes up because you're perfect and I'm nobody," Nick lowered his head when he said that last part and his voice was almost a whisper.

Jeff wrapped his arms around the smaller boy comfortingly and pulled him onto his lap. "Don't say that, Nicky. Don't ever say that; you're the one that's perfect." Nick buried his face into Jeff's shoulder as he hugged him.

"I love you." It felt wonderful to say those three little words now that Jeff knew that he meant it in a different, deeper context, like he had wanted to for a year now.

"I love you, too." Jeff's heart soared as he responded. So this was what it felt like to feel as if everything was truly right in the world.

"Now," Nick sat up with a grin that would put the Cheshire cat to shame on his face. "Do you really think that my eyes are beautiful?" Jeff's ears and cheeks turned bright pink. Nick thought that it was the most adorable thing he'd ever seen.

"Yeah, I do. They're the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen in my life. They're not just plain brown, but the exact color of melted milk chocolate and I love them. They're so expressive, too; I can sometimes tell just what you're thinking by looking into them." Jeff bit his bottom lip nervously as he revealed this piece of information. But there was no need to, as Nick smiled shyly and a blush worked its way up his cheeks.

"Your eyes are gorgeous, too, Jeffie." He stated, still blushing. "The perfect shade of hazel, with green around the edges."

Jeff suddenly leaned closer to Nick so that their lips barely brushed together. "I want to kiss you again," he whispered, his breath hot against Nick's mouth. "More than anything else right now."

"Then kiss me," the brunet breathed back. That was all the encouragement Jeff needed before he tiled his head slightly and moved in for a more a deeper, more passionate kiss that conveyed all of his feelings toward Nick into it.

_**Fin **_


End file.
